Awake

Last night, I dreamt the most terrible dream;
I dreamt that I was lying
in a hospital bed - dying, of course -
Drawing my last breaths,
as I and the darkness I'd forever dreaded
finally converged in this fleeting moment.
This is it, then, I thought.
The oft-imagined scene was now
unfolding, undoing,
and my imagination withered
as reality gently,
inexorably,
pulled me apart.

In my other nightmares,
I'd always kicked and screamed at this point,
denying death's cold satisfaction until the very end,
though I knew that my actions beforehand
would hardly affect the aftermath.

But this dream was different;
there was no kicking and screaming,
nor was there very much denial.
Curiously, as I came undone, I felt...
Emptiness?  Nothing?
Contrary to my usual nightmares,
I was calm, and even...  content.
I couldn't have called for anyone to shake me awake
- they wouldn't know the sort of dream I was having anyway -
But all I wanted was to wake up
From this horrible dream in which I'm dying happy
All I want is to wake up.

07-11-2013

“I couldn't sleep last night. It was kind of funny, actually. I was tired, delirious, but I couldn't get to sleep. At one point, I asked myself, 'Is there anything I need to think about before I can get to sleep? Is there some kind of necessary prerequisite thought process I need to go through before I'll be able to fall asleep?' I took a step back and realized the absurdity of what I was asking myself. The answer was no, obviously. There's no checklist required for sleeping. The funny thing is, that answer actually surprised me. That there was no work required to actually be able to get to sleep. In fact, it genuinely made me happy. Sleep is goddamn beautiful, isn't it? Sleep the only thing you need to do while you're asleep, the only thing you need to worry about.”

Milo had had an eyebrow raised throughout most of the rant, but now he relaxed and responded, “Yeah, it is a pretty pleasing thing.”

Simon shrugged. “Still couldn't get to sleep, though.”